10 razones por las que te sientes perdido (y cómo mejorarlo)

Have you felt lost lately without understanding why?

It’s not necessarily a bad thing, rather a signal of that change is on its way. Even if it can be difficult, frustrating, or even painful, feeling lost can become an opportunity to grow.

Here are a few possible reasons why you feel lost with tips on how to feel more at peace.

1. You’re overloaded trying to multitask

Our brains are busier than ever before and not used to today’s non-stop flow of information. We evaluate products on our own, book our trips, tune the guitar, prepare that fancy cake, and decide what color the bathroom should be.

It’s a bit like doing the jobs of several people, at the same time as you’re supposed to keep up with your own life.

While we’re not made for multitasking, it ironically creates a positive feedback loop in our brain, rewarding it for losing focus and for searching for new kicks in the form of external stimulation. Multitasking also often requires decision-making, which is tough on our neural resources, even if the decision is small.

Should I take a break or go back to what I was doing? How should I answer?

It’s expected to always be reachable. Anywhere from 38- 75 %, depending on the survey (and maybe the level of honesty?) confess using their smartphone on the toilet. Technology addiction makes us less efficient and is still as natural as having coffee in the morning.

With all the responsibilities that seem to never end, it’s easy to feel overwhelmed and lost.

How to improve

• Turn off notifications on your phone to limit distractions. You don’t have to be reachable or know what’s happening all the time. If you can’t focus on whatever you’re doing at the moment, it’s common to feel detached from it and confused about how to progress.
• Stop “just checking”. I used to check my emails and messages several times a day before, while I now only set off time to go in and answer. Ok, I still cheat sometimes, but rarely.
• Be conscious of how you use your time. It’s different to allow yourself to scroll through your social media feed for 30 minutes because you want to, than to “suddenly” lose 2 hours mindlessly scrolling wondering where the time went. Several apps help you to track how you spend your time on your phone if you need an overview of areas to improve. Remember that every time you choose to do something, you’re also choosing not to do something else.
• Teach people in your surroundings how to treat you. Whether you’re working, enjoying your own company, or something else. Headphones or a closed door may mean that you shouldn’t be disturbed if it isn’t urgent, and so on. Communicate and set your own standards.
• Give yourself a break. Take time out of your busy day, pause, be more present. It’s ok to not do something all the time. There is so much beauty every day if we just take the time to see it.
  

  2. You compare yourself to others

We always seem to fall for whatever “ideal” and “perfect” we’re presented with. It might be that person who you perceive as hotter, more exciting, successful, or productive than you are.  New clothes, a car, or whatever else that gets your attention.

Social media makes the comparison game easier than ever before. The effect is dangerously subtle. We often play negative thoughts in our mind on repeat as if it was our new favorite song, without noticing it. Negative chatter as “Who do I think I’m” or “I can’t” bring us down and can lead to feeling lost.

How to improve

• Remind yourself that nothing is perfect and that much of what you see via the media is a commercialized fantasy created to sell. You only see what people choose to show you. It’s easy to feel like a failure in comparison with perfection, and perfection 1) is subjective 2) doesn’t exist. Look to others for inspiration and get used to the thought that just because someone else is great, doesn’t mean that you aren’t.
• Instead of comparing your reality to someone else’s story you don’t know much about, compare yourself to your goals and who you were years ago. Look at your progress and when due, give yourself credit for how far you’ve come.
• Design your social media feeds and surroundings in a way that inspires you. Unfollow people who don’t add any value or make you feel bad. Add those that inspire and motivate you. When I look through my social media feed, it usually gives me positive energy since I’ve designed it that way. Social media can be either bad or good for you, the choice is yours.

3. You’re too busy to spend time on what’s important to you

Work with back-to-back meetings, respond to emails on the way home. Shop whatever you need for dinner, put something together, spend quality time with your partner or family. Go to bed wondering where the day went.

Wake up. Repeat.

You’re busy, so you end up skipping the gym, the lunch with your best friend, and that chat with your mom…. why not just call her next week instead?

Your weekends are fully booked with activities. While most of those hopefully are fun, you’re surrounded by “musts” and always on a schedule.  

If you enjoy what you’re doing, this might not be a big issue. If you get caught up in boring routines or promises you don’t really feel like keeping, you end up being too busy to do anything you’re passionate about. Then you might feel lost and as if something is missing.

How to improve

• Explore what’s important to you. Ask yourself why you’re not doing those things that once made you happy anymore? Whether bad habits are holding you back, or big goals are pushing you forward, it’s easy to lose a sense of balance and forget what really matters. 
• Make sure to set aside time for activities that make you feel good on a regular basis. My-time, family, friends, writing, working out, volunteering, meditation, a coffee in the morning, meeting new people, music? It doesn’t need to be anything major!
• If you’re a creative person and you’ve lost a sense of passion for your craft, reconnect with your creativity. Remember what made you fall in love with it and be more playful again!
• Stay flexible with open plans. I used to have meetups scheduled weeks in advance with friends before (it’s a very Scandinavian thing). After having spent years in South America, I’ve learned to take things more as they come with less fixed plans. While I still do as much, if not more, I don’t feel stressed about it. If I really enjoy myself somewhere, I can stay without feeling bad about it.
• Look at plans more as options rather than requirements. Sometimes following the plan is the best choice. Sometimes not. Some things require long-term planning (like attending a big event), many don’t. The less-fixed-plans approach is a great way to get the most out of life. Situations, options, and preferences change. Base your decisions on what you know now, instead of what you previously predicted.

4. You miss a bigger “why”

Connected to what’s important to you, is the need of feeling that what you do has a meaning.

If you like to think about why things are the way they are, questions that don’t have a straight-forward answer can be both fascinating and drive you crazy.

Why am I here? What’s the purpose with life and with what I’m doing? Does it even matter?

A consequence of a more developed society filled with people doing incredible stuff, is that many feel that their work or life is detached from a sense of meaningfulness.

How to improve

• I’ve prioritized finding a balance between thinking about deeper or random questions, since I enjoy those, and accepting that not everything has an answer. In this way, you don’t get caught up. While it still is ok to have those smart discussions with your best friend or a date about the meaning of life or whether life exists on other planets over a bottle of wine. 😉
• Work-wise, think about how your position or what you’re doing contributes to the big picture. Discuss how everything is connected with a colleague if it’s not clear to you.
• Feel like adding something more meaningful to your life? Check out side projects, try a volunteer activity or attend meetups. It may offer the sense of purpose you’re missing. You don’t need to start anything from scratch, if you don’t feel like it. Millions of people are already trying to solve some of the biggest problems in the world.

5. You don’t know or love yourself

One reason why many people feel lost is that they aren’t aware of what’s going on in their minds. They don’t know their values, priorities, or opinions about important issues. Many avoid being alone since they don’t want to be alone with their thoughts.

It’s also common with a twisted self-image that hinders you from appreciating your own worth. To not perceive yourself as enough, but instead focus on everything that is “missing” or things you could have done better. This can result in feeling lost, without understanding where these feelings come from.

How to improve

• Reflect on your values. What matters to you? Once you’ve defined values that you resonate with, take actions that are aligned with those. Decide for yourself what you think is important, instead of ending up with a list of things that “seem right”.
• Research areas you’re curious about. These days we’re spoiled with information. forums, self-help books, and resources about most subjects. Even if you may feel like you’re the only one in the world facing a problem, Reddit and groups on social media often quickly show you that you aren’t.
• Do you need new inspiration or energy? Attend events that make you excited. It’s a great way to connect with your interests and like-minded people.
• Learn how to appreciate and take care of yourself. Cliché, but true. Accept how you’re feeling. Invest in some my-time with meditation, workouts, reading, or whatever else that makes you feel good. Be open and enjoy the process of getting to know yourself better. Remember that no one needs to tell you that you’re great for you to be great. Your self-worth is not dependent on others.
• Become aware of thoughts. Don’t believe everything your mind tells you. Especially if it’s negative and brings you down. If you believe every toxic thought that runs through your head and build your life based on those thoughts, you will feel lost. Meditation apps like Headspace are great tools for helping you to better understand your thoughts, feelings, and over time learn to better control your mind and feel more at peace.

6. You care too much about others’ opinions

While it’s fine to ask for a second opinion, many people value the opinions of others more than their own. It’s also common wanting to meet other peoples’ or society’s expectations.

This can cover everything from that your parents would like you to develop your career in a specific direction, drinking because your friends do, “being more like a man”, or settling down once you’ve turned 30 because “that’s what people do”.

So you end up living your life on someone else’s terms. Trying to live up to other people’s expectations and falling short when aiming to meet ideals that aren’t in sync with your own. You then feel lost wondering why you’re even trying, when “success is miles away”.

How to improve

• Understand that it doesn’t make sense to try to live up to other people’s standards. You will never get there and be happy if you’re always trying to adjust to fit in. Why put pressure and stress on yourself to end up living in a way that you don’t even enjoy? You don’t have to.
• Be true to yourself. It’s your life, after all. You are your own person. Live up to your own expectations. You are the only one who can set realistic expectations of yourself. What kind of life do you want to live? Ask yourself questions that help you find out.

7. You have limited beliefs and avoid taking action

The biggest obstacle to progress is often how we look at ourselves.

We hold on to negative beliefs based on things we’ve “learned” over the years. Thoughts like “I always fail” and “That never works” are often based on fear, not reality. Fear is an illusion that you’ve created in your mind. Luckily, just like an old app, we can update how our own mind is programmed.

Many people also blame external factors for their current situation. You’ve probably met those who always have logical explanations for why they can’t move forward with their lives. For why they aren’t as happy as they would like to be, and for why their future won’t be anything else but a copy of their past.

Many are attached to their past and can’t seem to set themselves free from it. Using excuses and staying in your comfort zone, instead of taking responsibility for your own life and actions, often results in feeling lost.

How to improve

• Question the authenticity of your beliefs. Give up limiting beliefs about what you can or cannot do, about what is possible or impossible, about how things “should be”.
• Remind yourself of where you want to go and how important that is to you. Realize that the only way to get there is if you stop letting limiting beliefs keep you stuck in the wrong place.
• Understand that you always have a choice in every situation. It’s possible to change your perspective and attitude. Just because you’ve behaved in a certain way in the past, you don’t need to continue. Challenge your views of yourself. How would you like to be?
• Remember that shit happens. You had difficult experiences, and yes that sucks. You can still decide that you aren’t going to let your past limit your life forever. Yes, it’s easier said than done. Recognize that now is all you have and all you will ever have. The past that you’re thinking about was ignored by you when it was present. Set a clear vision for the future and create a plan to get there, but be present and enjoy life on the way.
• Practice not being afraid of failure. See it as a discovery of one way that doesn’t work instead. It’s an opportunity to try again with more insights. If you want different results, you need to do things differently. Do things you normally wouldn’t do. Push yourself to new experiences and see how exciting living outside your comfort zone can be.

8. You spend time with toxic people

Spending time with the wrong crowd is another reason why so many people feel lonely or lost in life. People who always complain, criticize, and in general spread negativity, don’t add any value to your life.

When your self-esteem is high this won’t affect you as much. But even if you’re the strongest person out there, spending time with toxic people will affect you over time. They are specialized in bringing others down, almost as clandestine as Batman.

Some people stay in relations for years without realizing how their partner or friend breaks them down.

How to improve

• Review what kind of people you spend time with. Are these relations good for you? Do you need to make any changes? Are you missing something? Take care of your network and review it on a regular basis.
• Learn how to recognize toxic people and get out as soon as you start seeing signs. Pay attention to how you feel after having spent time with someone.
• Practise self-love. Once you start to really love yourself, your taste in people will change. You will become pickier with what you tolerate and who you invest your time and energy into.

9. You’re trying to control everything

Do you need everything to be just the way you want it to be?

Many are trying to control everything and everyone around them. They don’t see that life has a natural flow so they push against it. As a result, they get off balance and naturally feel out of control.

It takes energy to try to control your surroundings, and it’s easy to feel lost and beaten up when things still don’t end up the way you were hoping for.

How to improve

• Understand why you want control. Are you jealous, insecure, don’t feel like you can trust someone? Afraid of the unknown? Most people want to control because of fear.
• Practice acceptance. Be willing to give up your need to always control everything that happens to you and around you. Situations, events, people, etc. Whether they are close to you or just randoms on the street. Allow everything and everyone to be just as they are and you will see how much better and freer it will make you feel.
• Traveling is a great way to open up your mind and a quick way to learn that everything that is obvious to you, isn’t to others. No one thinks exactly as you. Nothing is obvious. Which is both crazy and fascinating to think about.

10. You overthink and make life extra complicated

Sometimes the whole concept of that everyone was born with some magnificent, meaningful purpose, and that it’s our big mission to find it, is the problem.

Back in the days most people didn’t have the luxury to think about what kind of life they wanted. The route was already carved out. Get a job, have a family, and be satisfied ever after.

These days, even small kids are chit-chatting about self-realization, happiness, and changing the world. While this may sound good, it can be stressful if you feel a bit out of place or confused about what you want

How to improve

• Not knowing what one wants in life is a struggle many people go through. It’s easy to overthink it and make it unnecessarily complicated. What we really want to know when we’re asking what to do with our life, is what can I do with my little time here that is important? This question is more specific and manageable.
• You might need to get out to explore what you find important, as well as accepting that not everything needs to have a deeper purpose. Balance is key. The only reason why you’re having wine and cheese on Friday evening is probably that you enjoy it. Which is fine! Sometimes life might be as simple as enjoying what it is for what it is.
• Practise stop overanalyzing everything. Every decision doesn’t need to be complicated. Life isn’t meant to be filled with stress. Trust your intuition. Sometimes the right thing to do might just be to relax, take a walk, or enjoy a delicious dinner.

Everyone feels lost sometimes 

It’s ok to feel lost once in a while, it happens to all of us! Feeling lost can be the first step in creating a life where you feel more fulfilled and reconnected to yourself.

It can redirect you toward what really matters. Motivate you to engage in new experiences, take on a new challenge, or join a new community where you find your tribe. Embrace it, explore it, and don’t worry about having all the answers. Often it’s better to just get started and figure things out on the way.

Did you find this article helpful or do you have questions? Let me know in the comments. 😊

Ready for the next steps? Here is how to figure out what you want in life and how to live as your true self.