Do you have that little voice inside your head? You know the one, it says: “I’ll never be good enough to do that”, “I couldn’t possibly succeed at this” or “I don’t have time – what was I thinking?”. It’s a slippery little voice that leads to self-doubt, a dip in self-confidence, a lack of action, and perhaps even shame.
Why do we tell ourselves these things? Where does that little voice come from? This is known as a self-limiting belief.
What Is A Self-limiting Belief?
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Self-limiting beliefs are negative self-perceptions that have formed over years – from early childhood onward – as a result of previous experiences, comments from others, the values and beliefs of our friends, family, and society, or even the media.
They are not facts. They are simply beliefs that we individually hold to be true about ourselves. They stop us from making a change, seeing opportunities, seeing the positive things of life, and ultimately, living a life that truly makes us excited.
And they’re natural – in fact, our brains are wired this way.
Why Do We Have Self-limiting beliefs?
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To protect us, the human brain naturally focuses more on the negative. Historically, it has served us more. The same function that warned your ancestor that he shouldn’t cross that river, is what is holding you back and stopping you from achieving what you desire.
Since our brain has been programmed like this over thousands of years, these patterns are difficult to change. If the brain detects potential danger, it will activate your defense mechanism until you are safe – emotionally and physically. However, what’s important to understand is that it doesn’t differentiate between real danger and perceived danger. More about the science behind the evolution of our brain habits in this great podcast by Kara Loewentheil.
The good news is that you can change this internal voice and start going for what you want in life. While our brains may be wired to hold onto, and reinforce, these negative perceptions and beliefs, you don’t have to accept them as facts.
“Courage is your natural setting. You do not need to become courageous, but rather peel back the layers of self-protective, limiting beliefs that keep you small.”
– Vironika Tugaleva
Examples Of Self-limiting Beliefs
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The following are some of the most common self-limiting beliefs that hold us back
- I don’t have time
- I don’t have what it takes
- I’m not strong enough
- I don’t deserve love
Do any of these sound familiar? How about the words “I can’t” or “I won’t”? Add to that the fear of judgment, fear of rejection, fear of failure, or fear of success, and it starts to paint a very unmotivating mental picture.
Don’t worry, these are common and natural. Everyone has doubts about themselves. Even people who have achieved tremendous success confess that they still are struggling with toxic self-limiting beliefs. But when those doubts become the soundtrack of your life, it’s time to start backing yourself, working to silence those negative perceptions, and embracing all that you are capable of!
How to change the soundtrack and start going for what you want in life
1. Identify beliefs that are holding you back
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Start by identifying and keeping track of your self-limiting beliefs. Remember that the only limitations are the ones we set up in our minds. And those can be changed! When self-doubt or excuses start creeping in, ask yourself: is this the truth or is this a belief?
Write your limiting beliefs down. Learn to identify these thoughts when they arise and recognize how past traumas have influenced them. Once you’ve identified your self-limiting beliefs, you can work at changing them!
“It took me many years to realize that the reason I made bad grades was not because I was a bad writer, but because I never stuck to the assignments. I was the kid who, instead of writing an essay about George Washington, wrote a sci-fi fan fiction imagining that the US government was founded by aliens as an experiment in human democracy. The teachers hated it. But it’s that “outside the box” thinking that actually made me a good writer.”
– Mark Manson
2. Flip the narrative!
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Is a fear of heights holding you back from a grand adventure? Or, has an early heartbreak left you with a fear of rejection? Learn to identify these patterns and practice reframing those stories into more positive versions e.g., “I am worthy of love” and “I am ready for an epic adventure and ready to face challenges head-on!”
Reframe self-limiting beliefs and upgrade those negatives to positives about your life. You’ll feel better and more motivated because of it. The refrain of “I don’t have time to start a side-line business”, could be reframed into “While time may be finite, my passion and priorities are focused on the new business.” There is always an excuse or reason to stay in our comfort zone, but growth and change don’t happen there!
For a bit of extra motivation, watch Hugh Jackman – Wolverine, himself – discuss his fears and self-limiting beliefs, how he identified them, and worked to change his narrative.
“Are you a clairvoyant? A fortune-teller? If not, why anticipate the worst for yourself? Past does not equal the future, so why not think big and positive?”
– Maddy Malhotra
3. Embrace Self-compassion
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Much of what we tell ourselves are things that we’d never, in our wildest nightmares, consider saying to those closest to us. That’s because we have love, compassion, and respect for our loved ones. Why then, do we say this to ourselves?
Treat yourself as you would treat your best friend! Be kind, tell yourself stories of upliftment, encouragement, and faith.
“Friendship with oneself is all-important because without it one cannot be friends with anyone else in the world.”
– Eleanor Roosevelt
4. Practice Mindfulness
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Oh, our busy, busy brains! Mindfulness, being present and attentive, and observing our thoughts without judgment allows us to identify those self-limiting beliefs when they pop up, to see them for what they are – less than truth – and to respond with clarity and intention rather than out of habit.
“Change the voices in your head. Make them like you instead.”
– Pink
5. Test Your New Beliefs
Regularly revisit your beliefs and think about how you feel about them in the present. Spend some time on affirmations to address your beliefs e.g., “I am worthy of this promotion,” “I am a capable and talented writer”, or “Today, I am going to give my all!”.
Rework your beliefs as needed from time to time. It’s okay to change and grow!
In conclusion, we all have self-limiting beliefs, fears, and self-criticism rattling around in our heads. It’s perfectly normal. It’s also a process that we can do something about – a process that we can all work on. Working on what is holding us back and stopping us from achieving our goals is always going to be time well-spent.
When we identify the root of these beliefs, we can address the core cause, challenge the belief itself, and start living the life we want to live.
Feel like you’re not getting what you want in life? Find out why that could be here
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